Where do I go from here?

Hormones or NO Hormones

2010-07-18T10:13:00.001-04:00

So finally in my early fifties the whole menopause thing has started. As always with any new thing that happens in my life I read books and blogs and webpages about Menopause. I talk to friends and doctors and gather as much information as I can. Everyone I talked to and most books I read tell me I should use bio-identical hormones to help with the hot flashes and the foggy brain(only two big symptoms I have). I can deal with the hot flashes, heck it is probably the first time in my life I have been warm instead of constantly cold. The foggy brain though is not fun, not when your still working in a high tech world and having to stay on top of work and life.
So off I go to the doctor and I convince him to prescribe the bio-identical's I am pretty happy the hot flashes disappear my brain feels more on the ball, but there is one problem, and for me it is big. I am gaining weight, fast. I haven't changed my eating habits at all in fact if anything I am trying to be more careful about what I eat. Its been 6 weeks and I am 8lbs heavier. I don't need these 8 lbs at all, I have arthritis in my knees and my right knee is killing me most of the time. I have 3 dogs to walk daily and that is getting harder for me with the knee. I know it would all get better if I could lose weight not be gaining 8lbs in 6 weeks.
So what to do? More reading I can see for sure, back to the doctors to see if there is a different way I can do this or maybe off the hormones all together and just keep trying the health food store solutions till I find one that works.
I am fortunate cause I am healthy all other ways. Blood Sugar good, Cholesterol good, but I worry that all that will change if this weight gain keeps coming. Oh what to do....any ideas?

Hawaii

2010-04-20T05:30:00.000-04:00

Over a week ago I left a cool southern Ontario for the tropical warmth of Hawaii. My husband and I took our 25 years of marriage celebration to a cruise ship in Hawaii, leaving kids and dogs behind. I wasn't sure about the cruise thing, a little worried about being claustrophobic and bored on a ship full of old people ( not that I am any spring chicken). This cruise was ok, in fact better than ok, we had a great time saw much more of Hawaii than we would have if we had just flown to one island. The ship had a great mix of different ages and people and the stops everyday in different islands was always a new adventure.
For the last 4 days of our trip we have been driving around Oahu, which other than Honolulu, is also an amazing island. Incredible beaches, amazing mountains and every where we look there is another great view to capture a photo of.
Of course I miss my dogs and in each location we visit, we admire other peoples dogs and try to get a few cuddles in from the dogs that cross our paths just to make up for ones we are missing from our furry friends.
Today in a beach town on the windy side of Oahu, I found a little magazine called Island dog. Very cute, filled with pictures of local dogs and tips on dog park etiquette, what to do if you lose your dog, and breed information. As I browsed this magazine I came across not one picture of an Australian Shepherd but 3 different pictures. Two pictures were in an article about children and dogs, and one in an advertisement. Aussies are becoming a popular dog, one reason is their interesting merle looks make good pictures and two their intelligence often makes them good candidates for photo and video sessions. I have had aussies for over 20 years but never have they seemed as popular as they are now, I have also never I seen so many dogs in rescue as I have seen lately either.
With breed popularity comes backyard breeders, puppy mills and uninformed buyers. Although I love the pictures of Aussies I see everywhere, I wish I didn't see them as much. Aussies are a wonderful breed of dog, if you have time and energy to train and keep their very active minds busy and not a dog to get just because they come in interesting colours and look cute in advertisements.
In my Hawaii travels I have seen two aussies, both black tri colours like my lovely Ziggy and Dundee. It is nice to see them as we travel but it does make me miss my guys even more.

Back at the spinning wheel again.

2010-03-21T19:10:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day, I cleaned my knitting room, got most of my yarn in some sort of order and tided up the books and stuff. Then I gathered up all my roving and wheel and headed off to my friend Lauren's house.
What a great afternoon, working on my spinning skills, while having great conversation and yummy tea.
I don't get that kind of peace and time to spend really learning the craft very often and today was just great. I need many more days like today but I do feel so much better about my ability to create my own yarn.
Finished my day with some great home made spaghetti. All in all a good time. Well except for maybe Finngan's need to lick the soles of my Birkenstock's, yuck..

A most Honorable Mention

2010-03-19T22:02:00.002-04:00

There is so much bad in the world that we live in. People are always in a hurry and seldom do they really take the time to care. Every now and then someone really surprises me, they take that special time to care, and then more time to share your pain, to let you know that they understand how you feel.
Today I received an email from Dr. David Wilkie, the vet who cared for Carly, who was going to restore her site. This wonderful man let us know that he had stayed with our Aussie Rescue foster mom and Carly till she passed. Assured us that Carly was happy till she left this world. Let us know that we had done everything we could for her and that she had passed peacefully. He also told us he was impressed with how much we had tried to do for Carly, how impressed he was with us and our care and ARPH's efforts towards Carly.
I was so surprised by his compassion and as we talked via email a little more and he told me he had lost his own dog earlier this year, he even shared a picture with me, of his lovely pet. I realized then that this man was more than a vet but a true animal lover, someone who truly cared and went the extra mile for his furry patients.
Dr. Wilkie is one of the best at what he does. He travels the world teaching animal eye care and surgery, a busy man in demand, yet he took the time to tell us that Carly passed peacefully. That he was impressed with our efforts and that her foster mom did an amazing job caring for her.
I can't tell you how much I appreciated that, how that will stay with me forever. I can truly recommend Dr. Wilkie and his clinic at Ohio State University. If you have a pet that needs a special eye surgeon, think of him, your not only getting one of the best in his profession, your getting one of the best of human kind there is. Truly an amazing man and Veterinarian.

A sad day for me

2010-03-18T21:57:00.005-04:00

I do some volunteer work for Australian Shepherd Rescue, I am an Ontario ARPH Rep. Last spring I brought a dog into my group of rescue dogs named Carly. Carly was not a pure Aussie but when a puppy as little as Carly was comes into rescue we don't always know if she is a purebred or not and she stayed in ARPH care.
Carly was found on someone's front yard in Dayton Ohio. They contacted an ARPH volunteer and Carly made her way to Canada via the puppy train, volunteer to volunteer till the dogs make it to there final stop, an ARPH foster home.
Carly had one strike against her already, she was blind. She had small eyes and was blinded by cataracts. Carly was lucky and ended up in a great foster home (all ARPH foster homes are great), where she was loved and trained and well cared for.
We all raised money to have Carly's sight restored and we were fortunate to have a volunteer who just happened to know one of the best veterinarian ophthalmologists in North America. Our ARPH volunteer contacted this vet and he offered to help Carly. Dr. David Wilkie a vet and teacher at Ohio State University was going to help Carly get her sight back.
So we fund raised for Carly to have her chance at sight and we send her off to another ARPH foster home in Columbus Ohio, where again she gets the best care a dog could ask for, while she waits for her surgery.
Carly's chance for sight was just not meant to be. On her first visit to OSU, we discovered that she had a blood issue, not enough platelets in her blood, something called ITP. They tried several different treatments but Carly's blood was not responsive, and yesterday Carly started to crash. He bone marrow stopped doing what it was supposed to do and today we lost her. She was only 10 months old.
Carly had people all over routing for her, she was a wonderful rescue dog and a tribute to what animal rescue is all about. This is the first ARPH dog I have lost, and I know if I keep doing this there will be more. She was such a special dog, happy, confident and loving. She taught us all what it was to be happy when the odds are against you.
R.I.P. Carly you will be missed.

On a slightly happier note, Ziggy my special girl, has a slipped disk. She now has some super doggy medicine to help her along and in a few weeks I will take her to the doggy Chiropractor for some special treatment to ensure she gets better fast.
Note: Carly's photo is from Picture your Life Photography, thanks Lisa.

Knitting grrr....

2010-03-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been knitting hats, so far I have knit a Wurm, a Gehry and now I am trying and I mean trying to knit a cabled Rangoli hat. I have ripped it out and reknit the ribbing a few times, I have ripped out the increase row at least 3 times, and now I am working the pattern and well thinking about ripping my hair out.
I knit hats in between larger projects, I get bored sometimes and I need to knit something that I can finish in a couple of days. I saw this Rangoli hat and it was pretty, I had some pretty blue yarn, right weight and enough to create the hat. The pattern reads a bit oddly, so I got the ribbing wrong. Thanks to a friend who figured it out, I ripped it out and started again. Then well the increase does not exactly fit as described, fitting 8 increase stitches into 6 existing stitches. I made the stitches fit, but again not quite as instructed.
Working the pattern is sort of exciting and interesting, but I keep finding things I missed as I work it and going back and fixing them Here note a "BIG SIGH". Usually it gets easier as I go but right now I am not sure.

As for my girl Ziggy, we are waiting for the vet appointment on St. Paddies day. She does seem a bit brighter today, I really hope it is not wishful thinking on my part.

Back from Hibernation and annoyed :-)

2010-03-14T19:34:00.000-04:00

Well spring appears to be around the corner. I am back from a long cold but not much snow, winter. I still have my three dogs, but am worried about my Beautiful girl Ziggy. She is very sensitive on her right side so we will be off to the vets to see what is up with her. I pray it is not anything serious as I worry so much about her and she is my furry best friend.
At work we have moved office buildings. The new offices have automated everything, I don't even have to flush the toilet or pull the paper towels from the dispenser. I find this very frustrating. I learned how to flush a toilet may years ago, so why do I need a self flushing toilet? Why is it that we cannot flush are own toilet; what is up with that? Once I sat on the self flusher and it just kept flushing and flushing as I sat doing my business so I even got a personal shower, as well as relieving myself. Should I be happy with the shower or annoyed that I was now soaked by the self flusher. I leave the automatic flusher and imposed shower, and go to wash my hands, but I don't even have to press the soap dispenser, nope, I just hold my hands near the soap dispenser and out comes the foamy soap, didn't have to touch anything. I know I should be impressed but I am getting more annoyed. After washing my hands I head over to the paper towels but do I have to pull them out? Nope, they automatically dispense too? Again, should I feel grateful? I think I have become even more annoyed. I know I am capable of doing all these things myself. Have we become so incapable of doing the simple things such as flushing a toilet or dispensing soap that it has to be done for us? Is this really more hygienic? More environmentally efficient? Mostly I think it is just more annoying and makes me feel stupid.
Oh well I am back now and will keep up the posts going forward. Unless I can find a way to have my blog automatically updated with out my input?

Spinning

2009-11-12T23:25:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I took a class in using a drop spindle. This is an old way to create yarn. Every so often I get a yearning to learn a new craft, a few years ago I took up knitting, before that pottery and I am sure there are a few other crafts in between. My husband bought me a beautiful Lendrum spinning wheel. I knew spinning would not be easy, and it is not. So every night after everyone goes to bed I get out my wheel and practice.
I am I think slowly getting better, my wheel turns in the direction I want mostly now. I am getting less of a grip on my roving so it is flowing on to the spindle slightly better. My excitement grows as I think I am getting closer to actually controlling the flow of fiber on to the spinning wheel.
One of the joys of spinning is keeping Finnegan off the fiber. It does not seem to matter where I place the wheel or where I place myself or the fiber, Finnegan finds a way to lie on it or get caught up in it. Finnegan has a way of making any craft I undertake a lot more interesting. He steals balls of yarn, rolls in the roving. He tried to put his nose in the wheel while spinning. It is always an adventure with Finnegan, I sort of wonder what he would do if I started to throw clay again, I would probably find him stuck to the clay turning on the potters wheel.

Dog Blogging

2009-10-28T23:42:00.001-04:00

It is October now and fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colours, the weather, just the whole feel of the season. It is that time of year when things start a new, change happens. My life is changing, my children have grown, my youngest son is almost 19 and in a few years he will move on in his life, and mom will no more be the person he will go to to fix things, to tell his life stories too. I will be come the person that he visits on Sundays or holidays for a free dinner. How do I know this? My other two sons have taught me well. I know because they are independent, strong, people that have a strong sense of self, that I have done my job as a mother well, but it is bitter sweet, and their is a bit of a void in my heart.
I have always wanted to do more with my life, to some how make a difference. My two youngest kids are not quite on their own yet and because I am still working full time. I thought I would do Doggie Rescue. To be specific Australian Shepherd Rescue. I have done volunteering for them for a few years, ever since we adopted Dundee. I have done home checks, doggie transport, and fostering. So when the local Rep for Aussie rescue needed a break, I naively volunteered to take the role on.
This is a learning experience for me, not an easy one. If I could I would rescue all dogs, good, bad, dogs with bahviour issues, dogs with health issues. I would have my own version of "Dog Town".
There are many stories to tell, the dogs that come into rescue and what has happened before they arrive and what happens after they find their forever home, the people that adopt them and the wonderful transformation of the dogs once in a loving home. To document those stories and experiences I have started a rescue blog. In the new Aussie Rescue dog blog, I will talk about what I learn about dogs, rescue and volunteering. So going forward, I will keep my personal Ziggy, Dundee and Finnegan stories on this blog and my stories about rescue and the dogs in my rescue blog. I am hoping this will work and will be informative and help me sort out my thoughts and views about rescue.

Little Elwood - over the rainbow bridge

2009-09-23T22:45:00.006-04:00

As a kid growing up, we had many pets. People would drive up to our home, see the farm house and the barn, and just drop kittens, puppies, dogs and cats at the end of our lane. My mother would find them and bring into our home caring for them until they became members of our family.

We had many cats, strays that we would tame and make friends with kittens born from these strays. We found pets and lost them. Losing a pet is painful. I know, we lost dogs to the road, cats to disease and old age. Accepting that this happens has never gotten any easier for me.

Last week very good friends of mine went on a much needed vacation. I stayed with their cats, feeding them and keeping them company, one of them was Elwood a big orange tabby cat and his brother Bagpus a small black cat, both boys have real personality.

We new Elwood was sick, just diagnosed with feline diabetes, but we thought he was coping well and my friends were going to start treatment when they returned home.

Elwood crossed over the rainbow bridge last night. He had been sick for much longer than we new. But the brave beautiful boy that he was, he never complained.
Elwood is now in a beautiful place, happy and pain free. I know he does not want us to grieve for his passing. I know his mom and dad are still really sad with broken hearts, but they need to know Elwood had the best 5 years of his life in their care, he wants them to be happy and know that he is ok.

Elwood; thank-you for being such a good friend. You will always be missed.

How?

2009-08-23T14:02:00.005-04:00

Each day I sit down with a new idea in mind, something new I want to do, or make or try. Plus there are all the other things that I do already that I want to add too.

So each day I do my regular job, I knit, I do some Aussie Rescue work, I read, and I might hit the piano if I can get my fingers to co-operate with the keys. I also visit with a friend either online or in person, I spend time with my family and my dogs. The dogs make it really hard to ignore them :-)

But that is such a small part of me really. There is the part of me that would like to go back to throwing clay pots, and I mean on a potters wheel not at things. There is the part of me that would like to take photography lessons, another part that wants to go back to my drawing and painting. A new part that wants to take Web Page design and learn how to spin the yarn that I knit with.

I like to know more about dog training and dog behaviour.

Oh yeah and I really want to travel, lots, and lots of travel. I have been to a few places in the world but there is so much more I want to see and experience.

So how do I fit it all in? I have more yarn than I can knit, my potters wheel sits in my basement without clay. I manage to take a few pictures every now and then, mostly of dogs and flowers. My fingers and the piano keys do not meet often enough, and when am I going to find more time and money to travel. Never mind all the courses and crafts I want to learn.

How does one get it all in? I have raised four kids, worked full time, had many dogs, spent as much time with family as I can, it is not like I haven't done anything, really? But I want to do so much more.

I could give up sleeping, it is over rated anyways, and well as for working, I need a way to pay for all the things I want to do, I can't really cut that out, and the dogs and family? Nope they are a big part of me, I just think I need two lives. It's looking like I need to change my belief system and hope for reincarnation?

BIG Orange Cat

2009-07-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

I was raised on a farm, we had cats, dogs, chickens, an occasional horse and at one time cows. I love animals, and am probably more comfortable with dogs and cats than I am humans. If you have followed my blog you know I have 3 dogs, that are all Australian Shepherds. I love their smart sassy approach to life and I love how they always want to be with their humans.

You may not know I have cats, well they are technically not my cats, one is my daughters, one is my youngest sons, and one is my brothers. My children's cats are brother and sister, born in my sister-in-laws shed, created by two strays. My daughters cat is a calico, named Julie. She is a beautiful cat, but skittish and odd. My sons cat is an orange tabby. He has orange eyes and pads of his paws are also orange. His name is Mickey.

Mickey is huge, between 25 and 30 lbs of cat, bigger than most dogs in my neighbourhood. He also has asthma, apparently quite common in orange cats. Mickey is constantly on a diet, though he doesn't seem to recognize it. He also waddles when walks, you would think he is slow.

Tonight after dinner all the dogs were inside but I heard a lot of rumbling on the deck. I didn't give it much thought but sort of recognized that Mickey was the only animal on the deck at the time of the noise.

A few minutes later, I took my glass of wine and my latest book out to the deck to settle in for an evenings relaxing read. The dogs follow and I can hear the neighbourhood cardinals making very angry noises in my willow tree, it must be that Mickey is on the grass, and this upsets them. Then I realize the dogs have gathered around Mickey, and that he has something in his jaws. Mickey has the nicest cat personality in the world but there is one part of him I don't like. He is a birder. Yes Mickey had a robin in his jaws, dead, and still warm. I call for my husband to get a bag and I place the robin remains in it. I scold Mickey who looks like I have taken away his best friend, and his extra dinner (Which he does not need).

The most amazing thing about this is that my waddling 30lb cat, can spring from my deck onto a bird on my yard 15 feet away and catch it. Amazing really considering his size, it is hard to believe the speed and agility with which he can move.

Mickey is still outside on the grass waiting for his catch to return. Finnegan is lying next to me on the couch, having very bad gas.

One for June

2009-06-29T18:03:00.001-04:00

It is almost July, time seems to fly by so quickly it seems only yesterday I was boarding a plane for Ireland. There have been many times I have wanted to add to this blog but something always gets in the way. Work, gardening, kids, dogs...there is always something to do. There is also the lure of a good book and a glass of wine, always distracting in the best sort of way.

The garden is looking slightly better, the deck planters are done, and very pretty; if only I could keep Finnegan from digging in them. I suppose I should be greatful that he is only digging in the planters and not in the garden proper. Or maybe I could train him to start digging that new hole to move my pond too. It is really too bad that I cannot get them to focus their energy on things I need to get done.

The dogs are good, the homemade food has made such a difference. They have beautiful coats and are so lean and healthy looking, and alas Finnegan has even more energy.

The garden well, it will be a work in progress, too many weeds for me to pull by myself, and no one who seems eager to help me. I wonder why?

It is Canada soon, this year a holiday in the middle of the week. I am happily taking the two following days off, so I can make some more garden progress. I am sure I can convince Finnegan to help, and Dundee will pickup sticks and Ziggy will watch, or guard her quacking stuffed ducks.

It is dog food making day, I am sure I will have lots of furry company while I prepare their weeks meals. Happy Summer all, enjoy!

The dog walk

2009-05-29T08:36:00.000-04:00

I am just back from taking my three Aussie dogs for their morning walk. When I have to I walk all three of my super dogs together, it is a bit of a circus. Dundee tries to forge ahead, he wants his walk done so he can have breakfast. Finnegan barks to tell me how happy he is, and tries to take nips at Ziggy. Ziggy trots along, usually lagging behind a bit to stay out of Finnegan's way. I walk all my dogs on leather leashes which I have a firm grip on and I walk them on my left side. ( Except for sometimes Finnegan walks on the right side, so I can keep him away from Ziggy)

I do not let my dogs wander all over the side walk, and I do not let them walk in front of me. We have to share the sidewalk with other pedestrians, strollers, dog walkers and unfortunately people on bikes, but that is for another blog. It may not always seem that I have them in control, but 90% of the time I do. Even Dundee who is terrified of dogs with bad or aggressive energy, I have him in control and I can control him.

What I don't understand is people who walk their dog off leash on a city side walk, or people who walk their dog on a flexi-leash, and let them run all over the sidewalk. (a flexi-leash is one of those leashes that give the dog about 20 feet of lead, and then can be reeled in) Flexi-leashes are dangerous, I had a friend whose dog was killed because he was walking on a flexi-leash and jumped onto the road in front of a car. That is heart breaking and completely avoidable. People who smugly walk down the street with their dog off leash and with out even a leash with them are just plain stupid. I can walk Ziggy without a leash on the street, she walks right beside me and checks in with me, making eye contact all the time, but I still would not do it.

The man today walking his dog without a leash very smugly, had no control over his dog. I am sure he is confident in his dogs behaviour, but his dog was 4 feet in front of him, never checked in with his owner and was being walked on a city sidewalk full of teenagers going to school and busy cars, with owners focused on getting to work. So many things could happen, another dog walker with an aggressive dog could have attacked his dog( this has happened to me even on leash), a kid on a bike comes racing by and the dog gets hit, cars, squirrels, bunny rabbits etc, etc, etc,.

I am never smug with my dogs, Ziggy is perfectly trained but still has a personality of her own, Dundee is a very obedient dog but easily spooked and Finnegan well he is deaf, silly and still a puppy, time will tell with him.

People I know you think you are oh so cool walking your dog off leash on a city street but it is just plain stupid and it is also illegal.

Today it feels like Ireland

2009-05-28T08:19:00.001-04:00

It is a foggy gray day in Ontario, Canada. It feels like Ireland. I was walking my dog Ziggy this morning, just waiting for the expected downpour to start. Walking through the woods I could have sworn I was still in Ireland. It is the smells that take me back to the land of green. The mixture of earth and grass and livestock that is so common to rural Ireland.

On a morning like this, I would be sitting in my cousin's front room, looking out at the mist. I might not be able to see to the end of their lane. As the morning went on the fog would lift and a row of hills would appear slow as the fog and rain moved on. It seldom rains all day in Ireland. Eventually the fog would disappear and I would be able to see the wind turbines ( as I am told to call them not windmills) in the farthest distant hills.

I love Canada, the best country in the world, but Ireland is a very close second.

Ireland

2009-05-25T18:20:00.000-04:00

Home from Ireland. So many things to say I will cover the Ireland trip over the next few blog messages and link to some amazing pictures. So many things went wrong and so many things went right.

Things that went wrong, never ever fly from buffalo to Newark without at least having a 4 hour layover. This ensures you actually catch your connection. It seems that Continental does not plan the flights from Newark to Buffalo to take into account the air traffic that surrounds the area. We got to the airport with lots of time on Friday, only to find that our flight to Newark was delayed, and delayed and delayed. We missed our flight and we missed the alternate flight we tried to catch. In the end though to give Continental credit, they paid for our night in a hotel, gave us food vouchers and took pretty good care of us. It helped, but it did not make up for our missed day in Ireland.

Eventually we made our flight on Saturday night and arrived in Ireland on Sunday morning. But a new problem occurred because of the previous evening. Our luggage had not arrived with us. This was a result of us trying to get on so many different flights the day before. We arrived in Ireland but our luggage did not. Worse than that since the main purpose of our trip was to bury our mother ashes, they did not arrive either. Our mothers ashes were in one of the lost bags, we were in a total panic. Mummy took a little trip to Manchester, England. We thought that was nice for her last trip, a little side trip to Manchester.

They found Mum and brought her back to us, and we buried her ashes the next day. My cousins actually made most of the arrangements for us, which was truly wonderful. The minster at the internment was kind and spoke a lovely message. The rain held off, and many cousins we had not seen in years attended. Again one of my cousins did another thing that I will be grateful for forever. She arranged a luncheon at a little restaurant close to the church, and everyone who attended the burial also came for lunch. It was so wonderful to sit and chat with everyone and to get to know cousins that I had not seen in many years.

So yes there was good and bad, but we over came the bad, and the good was oh so great!

The Tumble

2009-05-14T21:25:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I leave for Ireland. As usual I am trying to do 20 different things at one time to finish up at work. I am thinking I am finally ready to go; I can leave work with a clear conscious. As I am leaving the office and walking towards my car I am thinking of about 30 different things I need to do. I find my face firmly planted on the ground, with bits if stone and dirt stuck in it.

While I was lost in thought, I must have stepped on one of the hundred or so pine cones on the ground. It was pretty windy today, I guess it blew them down of the trees. I turned my ankle and went down hard and fast.

I broke my glasses, cut my face and banged my hands and knee's. The fall did take away the pain in my shoulder that had been bothering me all day. :-)

Oh well off to Ireland with a banged up face and no glasses. BIG SIGH.

Ireland

2009-05-12T21:40:00.000-04:00

In a few days I am flying to Ireland. I have been there many times in my life but only once before have I made this kind of a trip. We are taking my mothers ashes home to her birthland to be buried next to my fathers ashes. We carried those home for him 9 years ago.

A little over a year ago I started this blog. I thought it would help me cope. My mother was slowly dying of MRSA, one of those deadly hospital bacterial diseases that infected her after a minor surgery. It took a long time to kill my mother, eventually shutting down her liver, and we had to give up and admit that she was leaving us for a better place.

My sister and I are carring her ashes home to Ireland. We are hoping this is what she wanted. But in reality she could not decide whether she wanted them buried in Canada ( she had become a Canadian) or Ireland the land of her birth, and the place she always called home.

There is very much good and sad in this trip. The sad is the burial and our final good-bye, the good is that my sister, my son and his fianece will also be there and we will be able to spend some quality time together. It will be like seeing all the sites anew again, through a new view of my son and his fianece's eyes.

Bunny Chasing

2009-05-10T19:43:00.000-04:00

Some special mornings, Ziggy, my pretty little female Aussie and I head off to the hydro easement to have a little hike off leash. Ziggy who runs like a gazelle leaps happily through the long grass and chases the birds. She runs in front of me then looks back to make sure I am still coming along after her, or she catches a sent and hangs behind me, but never for very long. I can count maybe 15-20 seconds before I hear her running as she zooms past me, turning to make sure I see her. Other times she runs over and stops at my side for a treat.

Today we were coming to the end of our little hike, after Ziggy had chased a few birds and had a few rolls in the long grass. We were coming up the hill and she caught site of a bunny. All I saw was a flash of black and tan, and the white tail of the rabbit she was after. "OH NO" I yelled but Ziggy was gone. Running into the woods. I wasn't sure what to expect, Ziggy had never done this before. Last week she had seen a border collie off leash, and ran over to say hi, but returned right away. This time she completely disappeared.

I started to walk in the direction that she had taken off, calling her name, yelling "Cookies" her come call. I have to admit I wasn't all that worried, I know Ziggy and I really hoped her attachment to me would win over the bunny. About a minute later I heard crunching and branches breaking, I keep calling her name so she could find her way out of the bush. A few minutes later I could see shiny black fur and a few seconds after that she came running up to me.

I felt I had to give her treats, as she had returned when called; even if she hadn't stopped when I yelled "wait"!

She trotted home with me smiling all the way as she had finally had a good chase after the elusive bunny. Later in the morning though she started to limp and carry her right front paw. A new worry for us, she spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon in her crate. Now she is putting weight on the paw again, to our relief. A sprain, at least the paw is not broken. I hope that run for the rabbit was worth it. :-)

Homemade Dog food

2009-05-09T22:36:00.001-04:00

I used to buy dog kibble for my 3 dogs, I would buy the best I could afford. It would cost more than a hundred dollars a month. Even with this great kibble, that was organic and high in all good things a dog needs, my dogs itched and had thin coats and had a bit of a weight issue.

Then one day I got tired of it, I bought ground Chicken, brown rice, sweet potato, carrots and started to create a home made stew. They love it. My female dog would barely eat, and kept getting cysts. Now she eats right up, and has lost any extra weight she had, she looks even more beautiful than before. My big male dog has lost weight and has become spry and bouncing, a total turn around from the way he was before I changed his food. He was always scratching and his coat was so thin.

My pup who is deaf and vision impaired, had terrible gas(causing my children to hide in their rooms) and runny poo's. Now he has no more tummy issues, this makes our home a much more pleasant place to be.

I know some people say raw is even better, but I can't go to raw food yet. For now it is mom's home made stew. I have added a few more things now, garlic and brewers yeast, to keep fleas off during the summer. Ground flax seed and ground egg shells for Omega 3's and calcium.

I toss in a can of sardines because they have everything a dog needs and they love the taste.

This is a lot of work. We are starting to finding ways to make it less work, and getting faster and more organized at the making and cooking of the food. It is all so worth it, I have leaner healthier dogs, who have more energy and are much more contented.

There is one thing I really feel bad about, there are children all over the world that don't eat as well as my dogs.

The Walk

2009-05-08T09:14:00.001-04:00

Well almost every morning I walk dogs, sometimes just one, sometimes 2, or 3 and even more when I have a foster dog in residence. Thru the winter though when my husband does not work partime at the golf course I only walk one dog most days. Today was my husbands first day back at the golf course and I had to walk 3 for the first time in a long time.

I was expecting the worst. Dundee(big rescued male) whining over other dogs on the street, Finnegan (double merle, deaf with bad vision) trying to nip at Ziggy and Ziggy stopping to drag her nose thru the dew. Well all in all, it was not bad. No nose dragging, no whining, and only the odd atempt to nip.

First day down, I am not sure whether is is a good omen or that things can only go downhill from here. I think I will stick with good omen, I need good things in my life right now.

Tired

2009-05-07T21:47:00.000-04:00

I know I am tired, when I am tired I do dumb things. Today I stop to pickup a few things, and as I am walking back to the van; I click the key lock to open the back sliding door but the door doesn't open, I click again, and again, and again. Trying the door each time I am trying to pull the back door open. I am feeling pretty stupid click, pull, click pull. I am getting sort of panicky at this point so I try to open the drivers door, pulling hard, thinking it won't open and it does open, and I almost fling myself across the parking lot. Now I am feeling really stupid.

I finally get the back door open and place my packages on the seat. I get in the drivers side and start the car. I realize the noise in the parking lot is rather loud, and just before I pull away I realize that once I had finally opened the back door, I didn't close it. All I can think about is milk spilled all over the lot. This is a little stupid and a lot tired.

Dogs

2009-04-25T21:19:00.001-04:00

I have 3 dogs, yup 3. Australian Shepherds, beautiful dogs, smart, quick and very entertaining. My dogs bring me a lot of pleasure. One of my dogs, is deaf and vision impaired. I am not sure how much of his vision is damaged but he does get frightened of odd things, rocks, posts and other strangenesses. He came to us as a foster pup of 10 weeks old, but he became so attached to us and so attached to the other dogs that we ended up adopting him ourselves.

Another of our dogs is also a rescued dog. He is a big male who came to us with severe fear aggression. We had no idea what had happened to this big guy before he came to us but could not have been good. It has taken years to get him to a point where he is fairly normal. We tried 2 different behaviourlists and spent lots of money, we have learned how to deal with his issues and he has slowly evolved. I also know that if we had not spent the time and money on him, he would not be on this earth anymore.

I have one female Aussie, Ziggy, she is my pride and my best friend. We have daily walks together, where she nudges me with her wet nose for treats. She lays at my feet and keeps me company if I am sick or unwell or just tired. If I could I would take Ziggy everywhere I go because she is that kind of dog. Good with people and other dogs, happy and contented. The odd thing about her is that she never barks. This is not really a bad thing. :-)

Parenting

2009-04-18T21:32:00.001-04:00

I have sadly noticed in the past 20 odd years that parenting has become more competative than an experience, or a bit of an art. I notice in the mommy competitions "my child can sit up" "mine can roll over" etc. It is like weight has become a womans competition, "I lost 5 lbs" or that look a slim woman gives a heavy one, half pride(at themselves) half pity ( for the heavy woman), is weight something we should compete for? Don't we have enough eatting disorders, do we need to compete over it. This is for another blog post.

I once had a friend comment "But what if none of your children got to University?" Well what if none of them do? Does that make them failures? Are they a less quality person? I think not. First I don't judge my children, I try to guide them. Once they become budding adults they need to start making their own decsions. I can't make life decsions for them, I can listen, I can make suggestions, I guide, but that is all I can do. It is their lives they are living, I cannot do that for them.

My sons all potty trained quickly and early, was that some special feat of mine? Do I have some special potty training skill? Nope, not at all, it happened like that, probably for many reasons.

Don't get me wrong I was happy it worked out that way, but I would have dealt with it, either way.

Are my kids exceptional, well yes of course they are. Not because of the grades they get, or the schools they go to, but of the kind of people they are. They are exceptional, because they care about others, because they think, because they work hard and because I know that I so much enjoy their company, their converstation and they wonderful things they do for me and others.

Do I brag about my kids, of course I do, but not because they are better than someone else's kids but because I truly think they are amazing.

More to come....

Saturday Afternoon

2009-04-18T14:21:00.000-04:00

It is saturday afternoon, warm and full of spring. I have two dogs in the room with me. Both on the couch (yes I know I should discourage this behaviour); one upside down sleeping, one curled up waiting for his other master to return. There is something so peaceful about this. Happy sleeping dogs, the noise of spring; children playing on the street and a mild breeze blowing thru the window.

I could be doing housework or yard work, but sitting here just enjoying the peace and beauty of the day is where I want to be.

Bridges close to home

2009-03-28T17:48:00.000-04:00

I was driving home this afternoon from my favorite local yarn store. I was visiting my favorite yarn store friend, which is always the best part of my saturday. More about the yarn store later, though.

I came to a bridge that passes over the OEW and I was a bit confused, traffic in one lane was not moving, cars had lined the bridge and a firetruck was there too.

At first I thought it was an accident, but then I saw all the people lining the bridge, most wearing red and caring little Canadian Flags and I realized what was happening. They were there to wish one of our soldier boys welcome home, as his body was making its way from Trenton to its final home. Traffic on the QEW was moving slowly so the herse was approaching. Tears filled my eyes.

I have heard about these bridge good-byes to our great soldiers and read about them in the paper but I had never actually experienced one. Strangely traffic on the street slowed, no one complained, just for a moment every0nes Saturday afternoon hurry slowed. I could not bring myself to pull over and take part in the final good-byes. My tears flowed for the rest of the drive, not for that brave soldier, who is now at rest, but for his mother. I feel her pain, as any mother would. I grieve for her, for her loss, for her pain, for no mother wants to out live her child.

God bless all our lost soldiers and their grieving mothers.

Canada's fallen soldiers

2009-03-14T20:38:00.000-04:00

As a mother of 3 sons and a daughter, it breaks my heart every time I hear/read about another fallen Canadian Soldier. My heart breaks for the mothers of those soldiers and although it is not me losing a child, I know that the worst thing that could ever happen to any parent is to lose one of their children before their time. Every time I see one of our fallen soldiers on the TV or read about them in the paper, I realize what strong men they must have been to take such risks to help others.

Even as I write this, thinking about those soldiers and the pain their family's must feel brings tears to my eyes. The courage the families show, speaking about their children, after their deaths is so amazing. It is comforting to see how strong and supportive they are and have been of our soldiers tour in Afghanistan.

The last thing that is comforting and amazing and so wonderfully Canadian, is how Canadians line those bridges as the bodies of our soldiers travel home. Even though not all Canadians may agree with this battle we are in, the support that they show to our soldiers is so heartwarming and amazing that it again makes me proud to be a Canadian.

God bless our soldiers and their families.

Lucky, Rich and Blessed.

2009-03-07T17:53:00.000-05:00

I have never thought of myself as lucky, I don't win at the lottery, I seldom win any contests. I have actually stopped buying tickets and entering contests because I don't win. So in that manner I guess I am not lucky.

I do realize thought that in many ways I am very lucky. I have an amazing husband who puts up with a lot from me, has stood by me and stays with me, and has always been supportive of me. I forget how lucky I am to have him. We have had 25 years of life together and we are still learning about each other and still trying to accept who we are. We have little in common, our children, our dogs and our home. He likes sports and I like the arts, I read like crazy and he reads about 5 books a year, but still we seem to work things out, sometimes easy, sometimes very hard.

In the grocery store today a man told me children are expensive, if that is true, I must be very rich. My four children make me very rich, in experience and love. They never stop teaching me, and exposing me to different ways of thought. They now; as they get older; give back more to me, than I often feel I give them. So if children are expensive then I am truly very rich. I think the sign of having done a good job raising your children is when you truly enjoy them as adults.

I also feel lucky to have my friends ( the few I feel I really have) and my family. All wonderful people all different but special in their own way.

My dogs, all 3 of them give me such joy and entertainment and comfort. I can't imagine life without dogs. When human kind disappointments me, the canine world does not. They give ultimate love, no strings, no conditions, no rules. It is alway so wonderful to walk in the door and have 3 smiling Austrailian shepherds waiting for me.

Yes I am lucky, rich and blessed.

Friends?

2009-03-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

I was having coffee with my husband at our local bookstore. I was explaining to him about a person I called a "friend"? I said to him " You know this friend is a friend but not a friend I can trust really, do you know what I mean?" My husband is not a man of many words but he looked at me and said "No, I don't". He gave me one of those looks, you know the kind that someone close can give, as if you are mad. Why would anyone call someone a friend if you cannot trust them?

One of those moments that hit me over the head, why would I call someone friend when I cannot trust them? Why would bother with them?

Men are better at this than women, I think. Women call many people friends but they really aren't. The defination of a friend? Someone you trust, someone you can discuss anything with, someone whom you know you can say anything to, and know they will take it ( or at least try to take it) in the spirit it was given. If I define a friend in this manner, I guess I don't have as many real friends as I thought.

2009-03-06T13:27:00.001-05:00

Starting again

2009-03-06T09:45:00.000-05:00

Last year when I started this Blog my mother was dying from MRSA. You know one of those super bacteria diseases that people catch in hospitals. She died on March 22nd 2008. It has been the hardest year of my life in many ways.

Time has past and life moves ahead. I miss my mother but I know she is no longer suffering and is happy where ever she is now. I still talk to her sometimes and I often here her voice in my head reminding me to stop doing some thing or to slow down or just her laugh as I yet again mess something up.

I miss you mom, I hope your happy in your new place and without any pain.

The Begining of the End

2008-02-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

I have taken so much for granted. Assuming that life would always be the same and that the things I love would last forever. Life does not work that way, you are lulled into a sense of false security. You Believe that your parents, your friends and your pets last forever. ( I refuse to believe that my children will not last forever) When my father died it was sureal. Somehow I did not connect my father with the man in the hospital who was dying of heart failure. In my heart I have never felt that he has left me, just that I can no longer see him anymore. I can still hear his rough Irish voice in my head, telling me how to plant my tomatoes or what to do about a hard clay soil. The knowledge he gave me, the time spent showing me things and making me stuff never leaves.
I have not lost many friends, at least not to death, so it is harder to see that this too could happen to me. Friends seem so large and so real, it seems impossible to believe that one day they may be no more.
Pets, well I do have experience in losing my furry best friends. I have lost 3 dogs over the years and 2 cats. Losing my pets seems so much more final. Maybe it is because they can't leave their voices behind in your head or that they cannot explain things to you in words but only in actions and expressions. It could even be that with pets we can replace them with a different pet and although the friend is different they still fill a smilar place in your heart. I miss all of them and there are not many days when I don't think about my lost pets for one reason or another.

Now though, I am faced with losing a friend and a parent. My Mother lies in a hospital bed in ICU in an isolation room, slowly slipping away bit by bit. She tries hard to fight the disease that is killing her and sometimes we actually think she is winning but then something else happens and she slips away a bit more.